You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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