separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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