Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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