see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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