I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize