I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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