my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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