I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
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I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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