I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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