you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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