Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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