One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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