at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize