His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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