First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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