I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize