buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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