I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize