I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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