I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
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with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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