Im at strip club and am horny
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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