"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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