No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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