i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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