His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize