smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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