If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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