Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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