There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize