I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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