Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize