it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize