You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Boobs are out for the taking
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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