Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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