I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize