just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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