i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
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So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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