It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
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Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize