Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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