I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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