I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
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I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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