Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i've created a new STD.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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