The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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