he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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