She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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