well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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