Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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