So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize