i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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