The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My life is pants optional.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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